Funny Quotes

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” (Fred Allen)

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. “ (Woody Allen)

“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. “ (Steven Wright)

“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? “ (Lily Tomlin)

“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. “ (Woody Allen)

“I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people. “ (Rodney Dangerfield)

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. “ (Ellen DeGeneres)

“I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. “ (Samuel Goldwyn)

“Life is hard. After all, it kills you. “ (Katharine Hepburn)

“I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries. “ (Stephen King)

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. “ (Groucho Marx)

“Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food. “ (George Bernard Shaw)

“It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. “ (H. L. Mencken)

“We’ll love you just the way you are if you’re perfect. “ (Alanis Morissette)

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. “ (P. J. O’Rourke)

“Airplanes may kill you, but they ain’t likely to hurt you. “ (Satchel Paige)

“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”  (Laurence J. Peter)

“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend. “ (Emo Philips)

“I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way. “ (Carl Sandburg)

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. “ (Charles M. Schulz)

“We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. “ (George Bernard Shaw)

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life. “ (Brooke Shields)

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. “ (Steven Wright)

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. “ (Casey Stengel)

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. “ (Lily Tomlin)

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? “ (Lily Tomlin)

“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. “ (Harry S. Truman)

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. “ (Mark Twain)

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. “ (Mae West)

“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
(Steven Wright)

“Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs. “ (Lily Tomlin)



2 Responses to “Funny Quotes”

  1. 1 makemeshutup
    25 August 2007 la 2:49 pm

    Le stiam, majoritatea. Geesh, iubesc citatele. Cand n-am ce citi asta ciesc xD. Si pe langa ele, ultimele cuvite. Si alea is calmea. You should try.

  2. 3 August 2013 la 11:16 am

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