Capitalism

CAPITALISM TRADITIONAL
Ai doua vaci.
Vinzi una si cumperi un taur.
Cireada se inmulteste iar economia prospera.
Le vinzi si iesi la pensie cu castigul.

COMPANIE AMERICANA
Ai doua vaci.
Vinzi una si o fortezi pe cealalta sa produca lapte cit pentru patru.
Esti surprins cand vaca moare.

COMPANIE FRANCEZA
Ai doua vaci.
Faci greva pentru ca doresti sa ai trei vaci.

COMPANIE JAPONEZA
Ai doua vaci. Le reproiectezi astfel incat sa fie de zece ori mai mici
decat o vaca obisnuita si sa produca de douazeci de ori mai mult lapte.
Apoi creezi imagini animate inteligente ale vacii, numite Cowkemon, si le
promovezi la scara globala.

COMPANIE GERMANA
Ai doua vaci. Le reproiectezi astfel incat sa traiasca 100 de ani, sa
manance o data pe luna si sa se mulga singure.

COMPANIE BRITANICA
Ai doua vaci.
Amandoua sunt nebune.

COMPANIE ITALIANA
Ai doua vaci, dar nu stii unde sunt.
Pleci in pauza de pranz.

COMPANIE RUSEASCA
Ai doua vaci.
Le numeri si afli ca ai 5 vaci.
Le numeri din nou si afli ca ai 42 de vaci.
Le numeri din nou si afli ca ai 12 vaci.
Te opresti din numarat vaci si deschizi alta sticla de vodca.

COMPANIE ELVETIANA
Ai 5000 de vaci, dintre care nici una nu-ti apartine. Facturezi celorlalti
cheltuieli de depozitare.

COMPANIE INDIANA
Ai doua vaci.
Te inchini la ele.

COMPANIE CHINEZA
Ai doua vaci. Ai 300 de oameni care le mulg.
Declari somaj zero, productivitate bovina inalta si arestezi reporterul
care a publicat cifrele.

COMPANIE ROMANEASCA
Ai 6 vaci, costuri cat de 10, mulgi doar 3, alergi bezmetic printre ele,
mai aduci personal pentru alte 5, dai faliment si dai vina pe bou.

Brilliant

Cum mai mereu ajungi la ceva total diferit fata de punctual de plecare si la care nici nu te-ai fi gandit ca ai ajunge, si eu, pornind de la ceva care nu are absolute nicio legatura cu ce am gasit, am dat peste un site interesant. Este vorba de o fereastra de chat care considere ca orice ai zice, dar orice e extraordinar.  

Everything you say is brilliant

Este si o versiune in romana

Felicitarile mele persoanei care l-a facut ( Striking Flashes) Daca citeste acest post sper sa nu se supere ca am imprumutat link-ul ca sa-l pun aici, dar am facut asta doar ca sa fac reclama pt ca mi-a placut ideea.

Akary

Cele mai tari nume japoneze :D

Mai demult, am dat, din intamplare, de un articol din ziar care prezenta o realitate trista a vetii din societatea de azi, intr-o forma amuzanta transformand-o in nume aparent japoneze, dar care citite cu atentie dezvaluie altceva, nume precum: Nimika Nuymoka

Yashpaga Shidute

Wreipostu Daybanu

Undeypliku Katespaga

Skimbaley Inparay

Winoakuma Kosuma

Furatzara Kutotu

Baganany Labayatu

Totkumita Madeskurk

Nufurytu Furyo

Amuzant si trist in acelasi timp (da, se poate, cel putin pentru mine). Ei, ce parere aveti?

Akary

Cute and funny cats

Akary

joke:>

my name is chuck…and i’m here to….
ghiciti si voi:>
ce propuneri de rima?:)))

jeleu.

the amazing beer-o-matic

To drink my weight, I would have to chug 169 bottles of beer!
How big is your beer belly?
.

Promotii

Promotii… tuturor ne plac. Asta mi se pare cea mai tare promotie. Bine, un client nu cred ca fie prea multumit, dar este cea mai originala. Just take a look )

http://www.resursadefun.ro/promotie.htm

Akary

P.S.: Astept parerile voastre

Programul sotie:)))

CLIENTUL:
Acum un an am schimbat versiunea Logodnica 7.0 cu Nevasta 1.0 si am observat ca programul a lansat o optiune subita Bebelus1.0, care ocupa mult spatiu pe hard. In instructiuni nu era nimic mentionat. Pe de alta parte, Nevasta 1.0 se autoinstaleaza in toate celelalte programe si se lanseaza automat cand deschid alta aplicatie, impiedicandu-i executia. Aplicatii ca Bere- intre-prieteni 10.3, Duminica-la-fotbal 5.0 nu mai functioneaza. Uneori apare un virus – Soacra 1.0, care blocheza sistemul sau face ca Nevasta 1.0 sa se comporte total haotic. Nu reusesc sa dezinstalez acest program si devine insuportabil mai ales cand incerc sa lansez aplicatia Duminica-de-dragoste 3.0. Se pare ca si alte fisiere sunt virusate. Am vrut sa revin la programul anterior Logodnica 7.0 dar procesul de dezinstalare al programului actual, Nevasta 1.0 mi se pare complicat iar riscurile pt. sistem sunt mari mai ales pt. Bebelus 1.0 care chiar imi place.
Ma puteti ajuta ? Un utilizator disperat.

RASPUNS

Draga client,
Nemultumirea Dvs. este frecventa printre utilizatori dar ea se datoreaza unei greseli primare de conceptie: Multi utilizatori trec de la orice versiune Logodnica X.0 la Nevasta 1.0 cu speranta falsa ca Nevasta 1.0 nu e decat un program de divertisment si utilitati. Dar e vorba de mult mai mult :Nevasta 1.0 e un Operating System complet creat ca sa controleze toate aplicatiile Dvs. E aproape imposibil sa dezinstalati Nevasta 1.0 si sa reveniti la Logodnica X.0 intrucat exista sisteme virusate care fac ca si acesta sa se comporte precum Nevasta 1.0 deci nu aveti nimic de castigat. Aceeasi problema si cu Soacra X.0. Acesta e un program mai vechi din care deriva Nevasta 1.0 si comporta multe probleme de compatibilitate.Cu putin noroc, sfarseste prin a fi victima unui virus si dispare in cativa ani.Unii utilizatori au incercat sa formateze tot modulul si sa instaleze programul Iubita+Nevasta 2.0 dar asta le-a creat si mai mari probleme ( a se citi notita de prevenire “Pensie alimentara” si “Custodia copiilor”). Daca instalati Iubita 8.0 nu incercati sa treceti la Nevasta 2.0 pt ca problemele vor fi chiar mai mari decat cele cu Nevasta 1.0. Chiar daca exista si versiuni Nevasta 3.0 si Nevasta 4.0, acestea sunt rezervate specialistilor si avand un pret ridicat nu le recomandam. Daca sistemul cade, va recomandam Celibat 1.0 dar ideal e sa pastrati Nevasta 1.0 si sa invatati programul cat mai bine posibil intrucat e foarte sensibil la anumite comenzi si reactioneaza rau la erori de instalare.Asadar, orice eroare aparuta va fi considerata ca provenind din partea Dvs. si trebuie sa vi-o asumati. Va sfatuim sa activati aplicatiile C:/ Scuze.exe. Evitati utilizarea tastelor ESC si SUPPR care necesita ulterior C:/Scuze.exe/flori. Pentru o mai buna utizare,va sfatuim sa cumparati si pack-ul Bijuterii 3.0, Vacante 5.1.Optiunile Da_draga_mea 2.7 si Ai_dreptate_iubire 4.5 sunt indispensabile. Nu instalati sub nici o forma Secretara_blonda_in_fusta_mini 2.0, O_prietena 3.1. Aceste programe sunt incompatibile cu Nevasta 1.0 si pot distruge sistemul.

Mancare?

Ca sa vezi ce a ajuns mancarea in ziua de azi.

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b235/Akkary/inginerii-de-la-cora_1.jpg

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b235/Akkary/gi28_Rosu-bicolor_1.jpg

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b235/Akkary/gi20_Un-nou-tip-de-alune_1.jpg

Comment-urile vi le las voua

Akary

planet unicorn

it’s so gay it’s funny.

Funny Quotes

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” (Fred Allen)

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. “ (Woody Allen)

“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. “ (Steven Wright)

“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? “ (Lily Tomlin)

“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. “ (Woody Allen)

“I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people. “ (Rodney Dangerfield)

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. “ (Ellen DeGeneres)

“I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. “ (Samuel Goldwyn)

“Life is hard. After all, it kills you. “ (Katharine Hepburn)

“I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries. “ (Stephen King)

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. “ (Groucho Marx)

“Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food. “ (George Bernard Shaw)

“It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. “ (H. L. Mencken)

“We’ll love you just the way you are if you’re perfect. “ (Alanis Morissette)

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. “ (P. J. O’Rourke)

“Airplanes may kill you, but they ain’t likely to hurt you. “ (Satchel Paige)

“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”  (Laurence J. Peter)

“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend. “ (Emo Philips)

“I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way. “ (Carl Sandburg)

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. “ (Charles M. Schulz)

“We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. “ (George Bernard Shaw)

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life. “ (Brooke Shields)

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. “ (Steven Wright)

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. “ (Casey Stengel)

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. “ (Lily Tomlin)

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? “ (Lily Tomlin)

“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. “ (Harry S. Truman)

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. “ (Mark Twain)

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. “ (Mae West)

“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. “
(Steven Wright)

“Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs. “ (Lily Tomlin)

Akary

Cum ar trebui sa fie si cum e defapt

Poate unii dintre voi il stiu, dar pentru ceilalti: enjoy.  Ce pot sa spun? Vorbeste pentru sine. Eu propun sa ne imaginam Romania in locul Italiei, adica si la noi e acelasi lucru. Mai exista un astfel de filmulet, dar vad ca nu e uploadat pe youtube si nu stiu unde se poate gasi.

Akary

top[x3] rusiiiniiica…

mintea mea bolnava tocmai s-a amuzat cu asta^^
topul celor mai tampite denumiri de siteuri:

1. Whorepresents…whore presents??:-”
A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is www.whorepresents.com.

2. Expertsexchange…expert sex change??:-”
Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com.

3. Penisland…penis land??:-”
Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net.

4. Therapistfinder
Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com.

5. Powergenitalia
Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com.

6. Molestationnursery
And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com.

Legi???

Uite peste ce am dat in dimineata zilei de 6 august inainte de matinala ora de 1 noaptea (defapt mi-a fost trimis de cineva): http://bored.com/crazylaws/index.htm Dupa cum zice si numele e vorba de legi aiurea precum urmatoarele:

It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone’s pity à poate a doar masochist/a

Dogs may not bark after 6 PM à Le pui botnita peste noapte sau ce? Saracii

It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

It’s illegal to play dominoes on Sunday.

Lee County: It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.

Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex. à daca bun simt nu este, macar o lege

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Even though it is legal to hunt a bear, it is illegal to wake a bear and take a picture for photo opportunities.

Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month à stupid. Ei chiar inctrajeaza asa ceva? *desgusted face*

There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.

Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. àaveti grija unde flirtati

Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. à aveti grija cum va folositi imaginatia

In California you may not set a mouse trap without a hunting license.

In Los Angeles, years ago it was legal to cook in your bedroom, but not to sleep in your kitchen.

Los Angeles law forbids hunting moths under a street light.

It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep in Logan County, Colorado.

It is illegal for a woman wearing a red dress to be out on the streets after 7 PM.

Maricopa County: No more than six girls may live in any house.

Mohave County: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.

Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.

In Norfolk a woman can’t go out without wearing a corset. à credeam ca am trecut de vremurile alea

It is illegal to tickle women. à mie imi convine fiindca nu imi place sa fiu gadilata, dar tot aiurea ramane

It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. à deci o sa avem mai multe Rapunzel-e?

Cheyenne Citizens may not take showers on Wednesdays. à Si cum ramane cu igiena? 

You may not take a picture of a rabbit during the month of June.

It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss. à cine stie ce ii face seful secretarei blonde?  

Si lista continua. 

Dupa cum se vede, exista oameni cu multa imaginatie, dar stau sa ma intreb daca pot exista oameni atat de nebuni. Nebuni exista, dar au ajuns atat de sus incat sa dea legi si nimeni nu a observat ca au probleme grave? Nu se stie niciodata. Se spune ca in fiecare zi aflii lucruri noi. Asta am aflat eu pe ziua de azi. 

Akary